Sketch 7: The Neighbour of the Beast

Them next door


EXT. STREET – OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR FLAT

Mr Johnson knocks on the front door of the flat. The door creaks open and a slim white hand with long perfectly manicured nails reaches around the frame. The hand belongs to Thorax the Dark Overlord. Thorax’s face is whiter than bleached snow and he has a small, pointed goatee beard. He wears long black robes with a hood. He has a small daisy pinned to his lapel. Inside the flat, we can just see a nervous looking clown chained to a wall.

Thorax: Mmmmmmmyes?

Mr Johnson: Er… hello, I’m your neighbour. From number 668, next door?

Thorax: How splendid. Fresh meat.

Mr Johnson: I’m sorry?

Thorax: Nothing, I said it’s fresh to meet you. Fresh. Like the kids say. I love the kids, just delici – delightful!

Mr Johnson: Yes, well, very nice to meet you. I just wanted to tell you that my wife and I will be having a little soiree on Saturday evening and there may be a bit of noise –

Thorax: Now isn’t that a coincidence…

Mr Johnson: Why… are you having a party?

Thorax: No, but I will be making a lot of noise.

Mr Johnson: I see. Right. Well, I just wanted to warn you. It’s a one off, kind of a house warming thing. Do you think I should tell the other people on the block?

Thorax: No need, they’ll all be here. With me.

Mr Johnson: Ah, so you are having a party then.

Thorax: Not really a party. More of a gathering, a black mass, a dark celebration if you will.

Mr Johnson: Right. So it won’t be a problem then? With the noise?

Thorax places a hand on Mr Johnson’s shoulder, curling his fingers around it slowly.

Thorax: Listen, maybe you and your fertile young wife would like to join us on Saturday night?

Mr Johnson: Um, hmmm, it’s a tempting offer, but like I said, we’re having our own party.

Thorax moves in even closer to Mr Johnson, staring into his eyes, until their noses are almost touching.

Thorax: Not like mine. I’ll show you the pleasures and indulgences beyond the flesh. We shall make pain your ecstasy. You will learn the true joy of sin.

Mr Johnson: It sounds lovely, but really, we just can’t make it.

Thorax: We’ll have trifle.

Mr Johnson: What?

Thorax: Yes, we’ll have trifle and jelly and cake.

Mr Johnson: No, really, as I told you –

Thorax: And little triangle sandwiches – no crusts. And goodie bags. And a adult-sized bouncy castle…

Mr Johnson: – yes, well –

Thorax: – and pineapple cheese on sticks and –

Mr Johnson: No!

Thorax: Please? We’ve got a clown.

Mr Johnson glances down the corridor behind Thorax at the chained-up clown.

Mr Johnson: Oh alright. Maybe half an hour.

Thorax claps his hands together with delight.

Thorax: Lovely, lovely.

Thorax smiles pertly and closes the doors.

Mr Johnson stands there for a moment, smiling quietly before turning to go.

Mr Johnson: What nice people.

Fade out

© NIck and Keith 2006