Sketch 10: The unemployed elephant in the room
Hazy days of summer and elephantitis
INT. JOB CENTRE
The room is full of a series of desks where people are being interviewed. The camera stops on a Job Centre Worker who sits at desk three. She writes intently. She doesn't notice the Elephant Man drag himself into the shot and sit down. He wears a peaked cap and potato sack covers his bulbous deformed head. She continues to write, completely ignoring him.
Elephant Man: Ahem…
Job Centre Worker continues to write and doesn’t look up.
Job Centre Worker: Yes, have you filled out the form?
Elephant Man pulls out a crumpled piece of paper, sliding it across to the Job Centre Worker. She takes the paper while still writing. Elephant Man shifts in his seat.
The Job Centre Worker puts down her pencil and turns her attention to the Elephant Man’s form without looking up.
Job Centre Worker: Right, Mister… Mister Man, I just have a few questions for you and then we can carry on. (Looks up at Elephant Man for the first time and does not react.) First, are you currently earning any income?
Elephant Man shifts uncomfortably in his chair.
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal!
Job Centre Worker: Er, yes, I understand that Mr Man and may I say, I never suggested otherwise, but I just need to find out a few things to sort out your application. Now, are you currently employed?
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal! I am a human being!
Job Centre Worker:... Right, that'll be a no, then. (Makes a note) Um, home address?
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal!
Job Centre Worker: ...Ok, no fixed address. (Pauses, looking thoughtful.) Excuse me for saying so, but you look familiar. Did we ever, you know... date?
Elephant Man shifts uncomfortably in his chair.
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal!
Job Centre Worker look nonplussed.
Job Centre Worker: Seriously, something about you... that’s it: Ibiza, two years ago. You were wearing those little briefs and going crazy on the dancefloor. (Bites her lower lip, remembering the moment, nodding her head dreamily.).
Elephant Man (quietly): I am not an animal?
Job Centre Worker: That’s not what you said back then. You dog you. (Shakes her head as though snapping out of a dream). Anyway, sorry, good to see you again, but let’s get back to this shall we. What kind of employment were you hoping to find?
Elephant Man (thinks for a minute before answering): Something in entertainment I think.
Fade out
© NIck and Keith 2006
INT. JOB CENTRE
The room is full of a series of desks where people are being interviewed. The camera stops on a Job Centre Worker who sits at desk three. She writes intently. She doesn't notice the Elephant Man drag himself into the shot and sit down. He wears a peaked cap and potato sack covers his bulbous deformed head. She continues to write, completely ignoring him.
Elephant Man: Ahem…
Job Centre Worker continues to write and doesn’t look up.
Job Centre Worker: Yes, have you filled out the form?
Elephant Man pulls out a crumpled piece of paper, sliding it across to the Job Centre Worker. She takes the paper while still writing. Elephant Man shifts in his seat.
The Job Centre Worker puts down her pencil and turns her attention to the Elephant Man’s form without looking up.
Job Centre Worker: Right, Mister… Mister Man, I just have a few questions for you and then we can carry on. (Looks up at Elephant Man for the first time and does not react.) First, are you currently earning any income?
Elephant Man shifts uncomfortably in his chair.
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal!
Job Centre Worker: Er, yes, I understand that Mr Man and may I say, I never suggested otherwise, but I just need to find out a few things to sort out your application. Now, are you currently employed?
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal! I am a human being!
Job Centre Worker:... Right, that'll be a no, then. (Makes a note) Um, home address?
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal!
Job Centre Worker: ...Ok, no fixed address. (Pauses, looking thoughtful.) Excuse me for saying so, but you look familiar. Did we ever, you know... date?
Elephant Man shifts uncomfortably in his chair.
Elephant Man (shouts): I am not an animal!
Job Centre Worker look nonplussed.
Job Centre Worker: Seriously, something about you... that’s it: Ibiza, two years ago. You were wearing those little briefs and going crazy on the dancefloor. (Bites her lower lip, remembering the moment, nodding her head dreamily.).
Elephant Man (quietly): I am not an animal?
Job Centre Worker: That’s not what you said back then. You dog you. (Shakes her head as though snapping out of a dream). Anyway, sorry, good to see you again, but let’s get back to this shall we. What kind of employment were you hoping to find?
Elephant Man (thinks for a minute before answering): Something in entertainment I think.
Fade out
© NIck and Keith 2006
posted by zesty pete @ 10:30 AM
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